Whoa! There are some bulging eyeballs and dropped jaws pointed in the direction of this one particular dad on my sideline. For crying out loud, for the good of the team, for the sanity of your son, for our peace and quiet... ZIP IT ALREADY!!!
So last year we'd be working on "back door" awareness a lot. My kids were fixating on the ball, forward slips in far post, ball is crossed and BOOM, the back door scores. We worked on it during practices and of course parents and kids hear me yell it, frantically, during games. This particular dad clearly has never played a game of soccer in his life, yet feels particularly useful when he yells and screams directives at his child. One episode during a game is now pretty entertaining... His son plays defense and there was a breakaway right at him. A one on one with only the goalie behind him. As he steps up to and delays (just as he'd been taught...no #$%^&* stabbing THIS time), his father SCREAMS at the top of his very large lungs: BACK DOOR, BACK DOOR!! My assistant coach and I look at each other and say "what?". So what does this child do? Of course. Disengages, looks behind him, throws his hands up and yells "where?". See ya! The attacker slips right on by while our goalie has to pick his jaw up off the ground before saving a wide open shot. I marched down the sideline (hearing a few "uh ohs" as I stomped) and not so politely asked him why he said that?! His answer? "Because you are always yelling "back door" to him." Through gritted teeth I informed him that there was no thief at the back door, this time he was coming through the FRONT DOOR right at your son!
So last week, this same father provided more opportunity for a coach to practice self control. We were winning 5-0 so we had some serious positional changes on the field. Kids were scratching their heads all over the field in their new spots. I moved yellers son up to forward and he was doing great! At one point I heard dad's voice again and looked over to see what was going on NOW... Dad is yelling at his son to move up to "all that space back there". Son of course is ignoring dad which causes dad to yell it louder. Now you should see the look on the Assistant Ref standing on the line nearby. Finally enough people get sick of hearing it and yell at HIM that his son would be offsides. Well, now his feelings are hurt that people are yelling at him so he mumbles about how it makes no sense, how is someone supposed to score if you can't ever go past the defender, etc....
There are so many more episodes to choose from... but I'll leave you with an example (from Screamer Dad) of how NOT to hydrate your player. I tell my kids during summer and early fall practices about how important it is to stay ahead of the hydration curve, not to try and play catch up during a game. I tell them to carry a water bottle around and drink some all day. Apparently my way is not efficient enough because Screamer Dad just had his son get it done and over with all at once and made him drink at least a quart of water all at once, right before practice. That always feels good and prepares one for a good hard, running practice. Not. This happened over and over again even though I told BOTH of them not to do it this way. Well, he WAS well hydrated, till he barfed it all up in middle of the penalty box. Now he's not, and we have 4 cones oddly positioned in the penalty box to keep kids away during the scrimmage.
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